How We Deal With Death - TCF Pretoria

"Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them"
-Leo Tolstoy

Retha
19 Apr : 14:06

"Oh Soul, you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength
You have seen your own beauty
You have seen your golden wings
Of anything less, why do you worry?
You are in truth the soul of the soul of the soul"
-Rumi

Retha
17 Apr : 08:20

Monthly support group meeting:
Thursday18 April 19:00
Botshelo House, Brooklyn Methodist Church, Murray Str Brooklyn
Topic: New Normal

Retha
16 Apr : 08:23

"I truly respect the people who stay strong when they have every right to break down."

Retha
12 Apr : 09:21

Change takes time, but it's time well spent because it brings a great reward.
-Joyce Meyer

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How We Deal With Death

Most of us contemplate our own death and the death of our loved ones when we are very young. We may mentally prepare ourselves for the death of our spouse, our parents and even our siblings. However few of us ever contemplate the death of a child. Death of a child strikes out at the natural order of life; it robs us of the experience of a full relationship and pulls apart our expectations of the future.

The relationship between a parent and a child is different from any other relationship. Most people feel that the role of the parent is one of the most important roles of life. This role identifies us to society no matter the age of the child. When a child dies, the loss also deepens with our changing role. The more tragic of these is seen by a mother after the Oklahoma bomb had killed her child. She simply stated, “I have lost the right to be called mommy�?.

Grief of each parent can be completely different. Fathers are especially prone to suffer guilt of failing to prevent the death of the child. In society’s role of a protector, a father may feel a sense of shame for not protecting his child from death. In most societies, men tend to pull their grief inward and not express their anger or depression. Often these feelings may be acted out later in more socially acceptable ways. This can be seen by the father who works too much, refuses to discuss the death of the child, or constantly stays away from home. Fathers must allow themselves to grieve.

Mothers may react very differently. They may be more overt in their grief and fully withdraw from the marriage and home situation. In today’s society, mothers may also immerse themselves in work trying to drown the pain.

Parents need to understand the importance of seeking compassionate counselling. Parents of younger children are often more willing to go to counselling for their grief. Parents of grown children are often reluctant to go to counselling and tend to suffer in silence. It should be remembered by family and friends that a death of an adult child is just as traumatic to the parents.

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